So its been going good.  I finally have started reading searching for God Knows what which is an awesome book and finished Blue Like Jazz which is awesome as well, I recomend reading it.  Schools starting soon, feels different than last year for some reason, I think I really matured over the year, idk, it just doesn't feel like last year, I actually want to go back, its weird, lol, anyway ya I am really excited about taking Psychology its going to be so fun....anyway i'm kinda tired right now so I will just put lyrics up to the song I was listening to just cause lol, idk why, cya round

AVRIL LAVIGNE LYRICS

"Nobody's Home"

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

So tonight was pretty fun, went to PJs cause I didn't have my lesson, and actually I STILL need to copy cause I don't have any of the other ones, so anyway, we went over the lesson and then tried to install the wireless router, and then beckys interent didn't work so we unhooked everything and then put it how it was and then her internet was back on...ya I am not so smart on the network stuff I guess, I couldn't figure it out, anyway by the time all of that, it was time to leave, so PJ had her usual corndogs, lol, and we let doc in and I swear her meowed like 40 times, still can't figure out what he wanted, and then on our way down the stairs I dropped my MP3 player and the power button, and volume bottom, both fell out and were like 10 feet from the player, lets just say i was very mad at this point, lol, I had just gotten it like a week ago and its broken, anyway long story short got the power button back in so it works and I just need to get the volume in now.

So after all this stuff in just like 2 hours, I came to youth group to find out the doors were locked, ya that was fun, so for like 10 min we are outside waiting for someone to open it and finnally bryce opened the door and then nothing was set up so we had to do that while the middleschoolers were allready there, and then we played bulldog and had our small lessons, Brandon and I just had Will so the three of us talked about the lesson and about other things and this was before and after worship which rocked like usual.....Then after youth gets over someone says everyone is going ice skating and then everyone is saying YA THATS WHAT WE ARE DOING WANNA COME, so I decide, cause I know its just going to be a total waste of time for 4 reasons, reason 1 the place is probably closed anyway cause its like 9:20 and reason number 2 cause even if they were open it wouldn't be for long, and hey lets throw reason 3 in there also, who wants to go ICE SKATING come on people.  OH and reason 4, it costs MONEY!!!! something not most of the people at youth probably even had at the time.  ANYWAY I don't know really what happened with that, APPARENTLY people went to missys and some other guys house from mt view, Bryce, Brit Kevin and some othere people were at the other guys house and like 10 people went to missys, don't know who except for Missy and Josh, but ya that was a great plan for iceskating, although it would of been fun to hang out, I would of done that, I just didn't want to go iceskating

BUT....I did do something fun anyway, At like 9:20 or so Brandon Johnny and I went to go get pizza at Godfathers and then come back to play settlers at the Yohos house....so We played Settlers, it was like I said, Brandon, Johnny, Brian and myself, and it was pretty fun, lol OH YEAH and Holly, just delayed it, I knew you would be like he didn't put me in again, yes Holly always plays settlers with us I just put Yoho everytime so I make it count for both of them, anyhow it was good times hanging out with them since I never really do, and I won which was nice, I hadn't won settlers in a very long time, ya GO 5 dice roll for the 3 wood to build a settlement and 2 roads to still longest road and get a point to get 3 more points and win the game, YA YA, lol............anyway running tommorow then work at 1 till 6 then the Gparents house after till like 9 and then sleep running work at 12-7 and then doing whatever, call me if you want to hang out friday night, anyway cya laterz

Hey, decided to update this more or at least try to, so everything is going ok I guess, idk, just more reflecting on my life the last couple days, some good some bad, anyway I have found an awesome song that sums up my life somewhat, anyway its by GreenDay and its called Boulevard of Broken Dreams 

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's ****** up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

wow its been a while, seems like a trend with me, anyway lives been good and I can't complain.  I have done some stupid stuff lately though, those reading this know might know what I am talking about, just stupid things I have said to certain people late at night or whenever or aim.  AIM is great cause you can say things you might not be able to say in person, its really something that I love, I can put more emotions better that way than in person.

Why is it that we sometimes have things we need to get out but hold to ourselves, I mean granted there are some things that are between you and God but if you really need to get it off your chest and its on your mind alot please go to someone and talk about it, it just makes life easier that way, cause like someone has posted before on their xanga, its not the size of the burden its how long you are carrying that burden and how much damage it does to you.  For some reason I always get things off my chest fairly fast and whether or not I should keep it to myself or not I am still working on, I have said some things I now look back on and regret, just cause after I said them things haven't been the same, or it seems like it anyway.

It just seems like alot of us think there is noone there to listen to us, well any human on this earth anyway, and sometimes God feels distant also, but if we really look around theres always someone willing to listen to us and be there for us.  Alot of you that are reading this go to EP and alot of people there would easily sacrafice their time to help someone else out easily, I know I would, which by the way if anyone needs to talk on the phone or on aim I'll try to be there for you, can't always be there cause thats impossible but I will try, so if you need to talk I'm here for you.  And also we don't always need to talk to the same people, its good to get different opinions once in a while, you know, not just the same persons opinion over and over and over and over again, even though you might feel really comfortable talking to that person you don't have to talk to them all the time, you should have other friends and by talking to them about things you can develop your friendships beyond what they are now, trust me its possible, this year I have developed some friendships into amazing ones and its just by talking about whats going on in my life and just anything I am having trouble with.

And another thing I know that has been bothering me is just my treating of other people, I didn't realize this until I sat down with one of my friends and actually found out how they felt and I just didn't know what I was doing, complicated situation, point being don't pick on people or be a jerk I guess is what I am trying to say and don't call people names just cause they don't want to do something, I have seen that when the youth hangs out and it annoys me alot, we are supposed to represent christ, yet we couldn't be further from that, its sad really, alot of people in the youth just need to grow up and mature, its gotten to the point where its VERY hard for me to hang out with alot of people there just because of their attitudes towards things, their language they have, their disrespect for peoples houses and the people themselves, and just doing things that are in no way reflecting christ.  If you are reading this you know what I mean, if you have ever hung out with the youth group.

There is a positive side also as a youth group, I am seeing alot of people really starting to change which includes my sister which I am happy about, its just so awesome to see what christ is doing in other peoples lives, its just sometimes we don't think about what we are doing and we totally just don't represent christ but that all comes with maturation, both spiritualy and by age, I know the youth group can just do amazing thing and have the potential to do amazing things, theres just something there right now that is preventing that and idk exactly what the solution to it is.

Anyway, I am going to cut this off here before I write like a billion words, so ttyl, and see you all at youth, by the way my aim is MLDDDILLON if you didn't have it and my phone number, you should know but if you just text my phone I can get your number from someone in the youth its not hard.

Well its been a while so here it goes, this week was amazing, so much hanging out outside of VBS and also at VBS.  SO VBS was awesome, seeing kids learn about God and helping them do that and just being their friend was so awesome, every time I woke up I was so excited to help out with them and it seemed like the day went so fast while I was there and then after like at work I was just so energized from the kids earlier so it was easy, lol.

Today was the best though, we went to the potholes by round lake, or in it whatever you want to call it, and it was a blast, It was PJ, Missy, Tiffany, Kate Story, Barlow, Nick, David Nathan, and I and then Wyatt Nathan and Zach came to hang out with us but that was when all the girls left to go back up with Nathan(Bridgets boyfriend) up to the top by the dam to swim in the filthy water up there, lol.  I jumped off a cliff today that was fun, lol, it was probably like a 15-20 ft drop but it was so awesome, I jumped like 5 times at least.  All the guys jumped but the girls didn't, apparently it was to dangerous or something idk, but it was sweet, I am definately going back there alot this summer whenver its hot.

So tonight right now I am just reflecting on some things I guess, thinking about Brian leaving has been on my mind, it feels like I am losing a friend and not just a mentor or youth leader, I am going to miss hanging out with Brian so much, but the past couple months I have hung out with him alot, just playing settlers or getting drug on the tube at the college retreat, its always fun times with Brian, especially making fun of PJ which I don't do much but its still fun, just giving her a hard time about giving andy mono, lol, you know you did PJ unless it was that prairie _insert brians word here_, lol(inside joke).  Since I have been helping out with the middleschoolers I have really gotten to know Brian and hes really changed my life by challenging me to be a better christian and a better leader.

Also if it wasn't for Brian there wouldn't really be a college group, hes the one that really organized it, Brandon and I just kinda said we needed one, so we got Nicole and then there was college group, but now we have PJ and Mike that are staying and Jessy(if thats how you spell it), and maybe Kristi, not sure what her plans are exactly.

I am looking forward towards the future though, I can't wait to meet this new leader the youth group is going to get, I know it sounds weird but well God has a plan and even though its super super sad Brian is leaving life goes on and a new leader comes in which we need to welcome and make feel comfortable at East Park which you high schoolers and middleschoolers need to do as well as us staff.  And to Brian I will be praying for you and your future ministry wherever you might be, and you will always be on my mind and in my prayers, and you'll have to come down once in a while to play settlers with Yoho, Brandon, PJ and I, lol

Looking back at the past year, it sure has been an adventure, I was sad I didn't get to help out at Mexico but I did do some other events such as ATF which was really awesome and just helping out with all the middleschool and some of the high school stuff, like that one night they did the scavenger hunt thingy and I had to hide glowsticks while Brandon did an obstacle course, it was like 38 degrees outside that night, it sucked so much, I am sooooo glad Brandon let me borrow his coat or else I would of froze to death.  But it was fun times.  Then there was the staff retreat which was sweet, lots of fun, lots of settlers, and a long talk with Brian which I really thank you for cause you were like one of the few people I got to talk about my life to and what was going on at that particular moment and it helped me out, and talking about life in general was awesome to and all the other things we talked about that night.

Then we come on the reflecting of relationships that were built in the last year, man its amazing to think how many real friends I have at EP now.  Thinking back when the summer rolled around last year I had no idea I would be pretty close friends with PJ at all, cause well I said high and just had light talk we never really hung out last summer, and if I recall didn't really started hanging out much or talking until almost winter time, and then I started helping out with the middleschoolers which btw Brian if you are reading this, I thank you so much for letting me help out with them, I really did feel God tugging at me to get involved somehow at EP and I finally found what that was, and man it feels good to teach about God and the various aspects of him and to just see the kids just learn about him its amazing.  But yeah um PJ is probably one of my closest friends now and its awesome cause we hang out fairly often, mostly with like missy, bridget, and some other people every time but its still a blast, and then we both help out with middleschool so we do alot of events and such, and PJ if you are reading this I just really think you are an awesome amazing person and I am so glad I have gotten to know you like I do and I just look forward to the next couple years while we are still helping out with the middleschoolers, and thanks for listening to whatever I had to say whether it be dumb or not, lol, and I don't believe you gave andy mono, yes I said it, are you happy everyone can read it now, lol, I apologize for that whole thing btw, I really don't mean to pick on you, its just so easy cause well Brian does it all the time as you know.  And thanks for letting me hang out at your house fairly often and go over the lesson or watch a movie, or talk or just do whatever, its always fun, and ya just thanks alot for everything.

Ok so Bridgets next, lol.  I didn't really get to know you during high school, I got to know you in track but we never talked outside of track like we did in the summer, its funny how I got your aim name actually.  I was over at your house blowing up baloons, or rather Katy was blowing up the baloons lol, and we were in the computer room and someones name popped up and I am like hey whos that and shes all thats tiff so I got Tiffanys aim name and like 2 months later she gave me yours and ya thats how that whole thing started really.  And then just inviting me to prayer group, I really appreciate that since I am not in high school even though its basically all highschoolers, lol, and just with that whole prayer group thing, its just an awesome time to connect with God and it really focuse my day and I just thank you and your parents for allowing people to come over and do that in your house.  Then also I just thank you for listening to whatever I was going thru and trying to help me out even if it meant you having to stay up late, I just really appreciate that alot, cause you showed you really cared and didn't just like ignore me. When I look at you I just think of what an awesome caring christian you are cause you care about everyone so much and are like the nicest person on the planet, and you are always smiling, well usually, lol, I guess it depends on the situation.

Then to Tiffany, ya you tiff, you are the most random person I have ever met in my life, so opposite of Bridget in that way cause Bridget is never random, well it seems like that anyway,and you also are like a little kid, just cause you are so crazy and lol I guess alot of it has to do with the randomness but ya, its always fun to hang out with you cause I never know what to expect and its always exciting even if we are playing some game on your ps2 its still fun cause I get to make fun of you for not knowing what things do even though you've played the game for like 40 hours allready coughfinalfantasyXcough.  Then whenever I do go to you for some issue or problem you always give me scripture always and I just apprectiate that cause you remind me of who I really should go to with my problem and it just helps me a ton.  I really appreciate you also hanging out with me in your busy schedule and finding time to talk and hang out at least a little bit it means alot, and VBS rocked this week, it was good to see you and hang out cause it had been a long long long long long time.  I am so glad I was able to me able to be fairly close friends with you cause you are an amazing chrisitian who shows thru actions and words what christianity is all about, well except when you do stupid things with the youth group like kick a ball at mikes camera and numerous other things, but thats part of the randomness, and you also need to hang out with us more, you and that dang soccer, geesh, who needs soccer anyway, just kidding you are an awesome soccer player

I guess I will finish tonight with Katy just cause her and Brandon would take forever to write about so I'll just write about her for know.  Now I know since being in Nampa we haven't talked or hung out as much since high school but its still awesome we get to talk fairly frequently.  You don' know how amazing you are in my eyes anyway, you are the one that brought me to East Park basically along with Brandon and just changed my life forever and because of that I know God way better than I ever did, cause I did go to church till I was like in 5th grade and just lost my connection with him, and I also have made friends that will hopefully last a lifetime cause I love everyone at EP.  Its so weird how we even really became friends also, it was basically all because I didn't make the soccer team and so joined track where thru that and thru the portable at lunch we became friends, and then also you going out with Brandon really helped also.  I don't know how many times you have gotten mad at me but I know you have forgiven me tons of times for stupid stuff I have said about you and what I have done to you and other people, but our friendship as strong as ever and its just awesome to be able to have a strong frienship like that, although it seems like its always me making you mad and not the other way around. ANYWAY you also, like Tiffany, give me scripture when I am in need or advice and just whenver I need Bible related stuff I can always come to you and you really are the first person I came to when I had questions about this whole Christian thing and God thing when I first started coming to EP and I really thank you for that cause you helped me develop as the christian I am today.  And although I don't follow you advice half the time it always seems to be right everytime, so I should probably listen more to what you have to say, if you don't get what I am saying is that Katy is right about alot of things, lol.  Shes always right.  And then helping out with VBS this week was fun with you also, although it sucks you couldn't be in my group cause I think originally you were but oh well, it was still fun seeing you and hanging out, and hopefully that knee gets better.  ANYWAY thanks alot Katy for everything you have done for me and I really just thank you for our friendship

OK so now I feel guilty cause I could write about like everyone at East Park and like a page on each person the above are very short versions of what I could really write, for Katy I could write like 100 pages, seriously, there are that many memories for me, and I could write alot about track and prayer group also, oh yeah and FCA.  I will continue writing more later starting with Brandon, but if you actually made it this far in reading congradulations I think you read a post longer than mikes probably ever was, well maybe idk mike does make so huge huge posts, anyway cya later everyone